DOES Liz Hurley’s new relationship anger you, because she should still be with Hugh? Should that be made to happen whether they want it or not, along with these?
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson
The Twilight couple getting back together would make Twilight fans feel young and sexy again, and let’s face it neither of them has done better. Easy to arrange: the obsessives who create endless terrible fanfic and art undoubtedly already have plans to kidnap their heroes in the style of Stephen King’s Misery and have prepared the basement.
Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant
If Oasis are back together, why not them? Suggestions that the ‘gorgeous posh girl and jolly nice Oxford chap make perfect couple’ media narrative was childish nonsense can be ignored. They should be together again and all that prostitute business entirely forgotten like it already is. Divine Brown, wasn’t she called?
Abba
Listening to Abba just isn’t the same now Benny, Anni-Frid, Bjorn and Agnetha aren’t all going out with each other like in 1974. Therefore they should remarry and all live together in a Scandinavian eco-home next to a fjord, wearing jumpsuits and writing shimmering pop classics. It doesn’t have to be up to them.
Amber Heard and Johnny Depp
Sure, there’s been bad blood, but if Amber cooked Johnny his favourite meal it might make up for destroying his life and branding him a rapist. He could do his bit by restricting his psychotic drink and drug binges to three nights a week. The rabid internet warriors on both sides would admit this is what they really wanted.
Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love
There’s an obvious problem with this and yes, Dave Grohl might be reluctant to reform Nirvana now. But there is actually a bigger obstacle to them picking up where they left off, and that’s Kurt being dead. However, advances in AI technology and robotics could easily recreate him. What’s more they could adjust the dopamine sliders and make him happier.
Tim Burton and Helena Bonham-Carter
Helena and Tim were a fixture of the early 2000s, with Tim pushing the boundaries of pointless CGI and Helena tagging along in her zany goth style. It would be nice to see a happy ending for them. She definitely loved him or she would never have agreed to be a chimp in his films.
Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
The 00s loved this, so why couldn’t the love triangle have carried on longer? Brad keeping up a pretence of marriage with Jen while rushing off to seductress Ange every spare moment, his excuses increasingly flimsy, George Clooney covering for him? That could have been kept going for 20 years, surely? For us?
