Mums to continue pointing out how much people on TV have aged

MOTHERS have confirmed plans to keep highlighting how various television celebrities look much older these days.

Mums confirmed that nothing gives them greater pleasure than identifying signs of the ageing process in celebrities as diverse as Michael Palin, Judi Dench and Bruce Willis.

Mother-of-two Mary Fisher said: “Matt LeBlanc never used to look like that 20 years ago. He looked so much better when he was younger.

“Nowadays he looks like the postman.”

Fisher also believes Ray Liotta looks a lot worse now that he did in Goodfellas, which was filmed 26 years ago.

However she reserved particular scorn for Anthea Turner, appearing to take pleasure in the presenter’s physical deterioration. She said: “You can tell she’s had work done but she’s not fooling anyone, talk about mutton dressed up as lamb.

“She thinks she’s all that but she could be stirring a cauldron in Macbeth.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Stupidity best cure for anxiety

BEING an idiot is the most effective method for avoiding anxiety, research has found.

After discovering that many Britons suffer from anxiety issues, experts now believe the best solution is to be totally ignorant of any threats and assume everyone thinks you are great.

Psychologist Donna Sheridan said: “Most people are anxious about everything from Trump to terrorism and climate change to whether people like them, whereas idiots are unaware there might even be a problem.

“We found the people least likely to be worried about terror attacks are those who do not even know ISIS exists thanks to only reading Yahoo! News articles about Maya Jama’s hair.

“True idiots are rarely anxious at all, because if something bad happens like them needing a triple bypass from eating lard butties they assume it’s just ‘health Nazis’ overreacting.”

32-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “I don’t suffer from anxiety because it’s another of those namby-pamby made-up illnesses like depression, which you can cure by pulling yourself together.

“I never obsess over whether I’ve said or done the wrong thing in social situations, because normally I can’t remember anything after a night out with my mates.”