Please get well because we can't go though all that shit again, says Britain

THE whole nation is willing King Charles III to beat cancer because it cannot go through all that business all over again. 

The news that His Majesty has been diagnosed with cancer has sent the whole nation spiralling back to September 2022, and May 2023, and the fawning, suffocating omnipresent coverage they felt duty-bound to watch.

Nathan Muir of Hereford said: “Bloody hell. It feels like it’s only just finished, and now it could all kick off again?

“I mean it hadn’t happened for 75 years last time but the novelty soon wore off. By about day two if I remember correctly, and that was day two of approximately a million.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re fine without the bank holidays. We’ve had plenty, what with the Platty Joobs and all. Let’s have a swift recovery with the minimum of pomp and another what, ten years of glorious rule at least.”

Joanna Kramer, aged 42, agreed: “Come on, Charlie. You can beat this thing and get a proper run on the throne in. We’re all willing you to, albeit for slightly selfish reasons.

“You’ve not even been crowned a year. A fortnight of documentaries about that’s unthinkable.”

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