Thursday, 13th May 2021

Prince Andrew to officiate at grand reopening of Woking Pizza Express

THE Duke of York will officially reopen the Woking branch of Pizza Express when it begins serving again on July 4th.

Though forcibly retired from public life, the Prince is keen to show his support for the British business that helped him in his darkest hour by cutting the ribbon on the restaurant he famously patronised on March 10th, 2001.

A Royal spokesman said: “The Duke does not often visit chain restaurants on the outskirts of London but he remembers that visit very fondly and in great detail, so was delighted to be asked.

“After the reopening ceremony he will eat a meal, remarking frequently on his feelings of déjà vu as he bites into the dough balls and loudly recognising fixtures and fittings from last time.”

Woking councillor Bill McKay said: “He’s calm, works well under pressure, doesn’t produce unnecessary body fluids — he really encapsulates the ‘Stay Alert’ message. And we know that keeping a metre or more from others just won’t be an issue for him.”

The Prince’s visit will be commemorated with timestamped photographs and signed eyewitness accounts.