LIDL has launched a middle aisle advent calendar for men of a certain age who cannot wait to see if they get a glass engraving kit or inflatable coracle. 

The calendar, which measures 18ft by 10ft to contain the myriad, unusually-shaped delights the retailer has packed within, has already sold out in Hull, Halifax, East Grinstead and other locations where men over 45 have too little to fulfil them in life.

49-year-old Martin Bishop, dispatching manager at a haulage company, said: “All the doors are different shapes so you can’t guess whether it’s a solar-powered bird bath or a portable hookah pipe. It’s thrilling.

“While the wife and kids are opening boring chocolates day after day and Sandra at work’s getting yet another beauty essential, I could get literally anything. A mini-fridge with infinity lighting? A set of professional ice-sculpting tools? An in-loft wind machine? Who knows?

“But whatever it is you can guarantee it’ll be useful. Pretty sure December 15th is an extendable 45ft stepladder. I already don’t know how I’ve managed without it.”

Tom Logan, aged 56, said: “It’s brought the magic back to Christmas for me. Each day I’ll wake up, stomach fizzing with excitement, waiting to see if I’ve got a three-in-one donut, waffle and churro maker or a siege-sized trebuchet.

“Meanwhile my wife will get me a jumper that looks like my other jumpers and desultory, unimaginative sex. Lidl all the way.”