THE Queen wants her jubilee celebrations kept low-key in case people realise the royal thing is a huge scam.
After her six decade reign, the Queen is well aware of what a cushy number she’s got going and does not want to draw attention to it.
She said: “As Queen you have to do some stuff but it is mostly easy, like going to other peoples’ palaces and eating multiple courses of old-fashioned duck dishes cooked in cream.
“But apart from the terrible indigestion, the Queen thing is generally very sweet indeed.
“Sometimes I have to go and look around schools, that’s dull.
“But I get to live in a big-ass house full of pictures of me. When I walk in a room everyone stands up, and I’m like ‘that’s right motherfuckers’.
“So it’s hardly surprising I don’t want any fuss, everyone would want a go.”