This is all your fault, Will Smith tells son

WILL Smith has branded his son a ‘useless little toad’ after the failure of their science fiction film.

Box office flop After Earth featured the father-son duo ‘teaming up’ as space travellers marooned on a post-apocalyptic planet.

Smith said: “Watching the movie back, I realise it’s pretty great apart from my teenage son.

“There are big emotional scenes where I’m totally nailing it and it’s like he doesn’t even give a shit, he’s drifting off thinking about girls or snack foods.

“Honestly, you put them in a $160 million sci-fi blockbuster and this is how they repay you. Fuck all this ‘cool dad’ shit.

“We’re not friends any more. I don’t even have a son, he’s dead to me now.”

Smith revealed plans to cast Jaden in The Fresh Meat of West Philadelphia, a riches-to-rags sitcom about a boy sent to live with his pimp uncle and crack whore aunt.

He said: “Jaden’s life gets ‘flipped around, turned upside down’ and not in a good way as he is pursued by junkies and forced to live on bits of stale bread he steals from pigeons.

“Basically he gets exactly what he deserves.”

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Catherine Zeta-Jones's mother 'catatonic'

THE mother of Catherine Zeta-Jones has been sitting motionless in a chair with her eyes and mouth wide open for the last 18 hours.

Patricia Jones entered a catatonic state yesterday after reading an interview with her son-in-law Michael Douglas in which the actor said his throat cancer was caused by licking the vagina of Mrs Jones’s only daughter.

A friend said: “We’ve been making loud noises, shouting her name and even blowing a bugle right in her ear.

“Absolutely nothing other than the occasional, very slight twitch in her left eye.”