THIS year’s must-have toy for children whose parents are sick of their whining is an unremarkable King Edward potato. 

The potato, which parents are hoping will tempt their children away from bullying other children on social media, is being marketed as ‘Spudalizor Fun Object’ and is expected to be the hit of the year.

A spokesman for the British Toy Foundation said: “Potato? Only if you’ve forgotten the joy and wild imagination of childhood.

“To a seven-year-old with sufficiently low expectations, this is the asteroid home of an invisible alien race, or a cool, misshapen ball that doesn’t really bounce and soon starts to smell.

“Grandparents approve of it because it reminds them of the miserable Christmases of their youth, parents love it because it didn’t cost them £300 so who cares if they play with it for one day then get bored, and kids love six-seven so don’t deserve any better.”

The announcement has already seen supermarket’s fresh produce section besieged by parents determined to get their child the latest toy, four-mile queues, fighting and potatoes being sold for upwards of £600 on eBay.

Jack Browne, aged nine, said: “I can’t wait to get mine. I’m going to hollow it out and use it as a bong.”