BANKS have confirmed that repeatedly tapping the wrong bit of the contactless card reader before angrily entering your PIN will not change.
The lifting of the £100 limit on contactless payments will not affect the embarrassing occasions when you tap the wrong area of the card reader so many times it renders what is supposed to be a speedy process pointless.
Barclays CEO Martin Bishop said: “There’s only so much we can do to improve the contactless payment experience. Being a clumsy twat is on you to fix.
“Sure, we could come up with a solution, but where’s the fun in that? Cashiers love to watch you squirm after each failed attempt, the panic rising on your face as you wonder if you’ve reached your overdraft limit. We don’t want to rob them of that joy.
“Besides, spending money isn’t supposed to be an effortless, exhilarating experience. Any accountant will tell you that each pound leaving your clammy grasp should feel like a humiliating defeat. Blindly throwing it around is how 2008 happened.
“Look, either suck it up or we’ll bring back cheques. Do you want that? Didn’t think so.”
Contactless card user Nikki Hollis said: “You’re telling me there are people out there who are liquid to the tune of £100 or more? Who are they? Lottery winners?”
