Universe actually pretty interesting

STEPHEN Hawking’s life has reminded everyone that the universe is actually pretty interesting.

Hawking, who has died aged 76, was passionately interested in the universe and all the things in it, as opposed to just watching telly or arsing about on Facebook.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “He had a lot of challenges in his life, most importantly being very clever which generally means you get picked on a lot and nobody likes you at school.

“Still he pressed on with his passion for all the deep stuff – the nature of time, man’s place in the universe, the purpose of Jeremy Hunt. And when you think about it, those things really are more interesting than Celebrity Love Island or David Beckham’s new scarf range.

“Go out and look at the sky tonight. It’s absolutely massive.”

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Dad turns on mobile for second time this year

A FATHER has switched on his mobile phone and then immediately switched it off again ‘to save the battery’, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop, 62, last used his phone in January to send a message to his daughter, which read ‘HPY NW YR!’ Since then it has been kept locked in a drawer in the study so he knows where it is in case of an emergency.

Bishop’s daughter Emma said: “Mum has taken to modern technology so enthusiastically that she freely admits that she prefers playing Fruit Ninja on her iPhone to talking to her family.

“Dad, on the other hand, approaches his mobile with the kind of fear usually reserved for an unexploded bomb.

“He pretends he doesn’t like it because he’s from the analogue age, but I think really he’s scared it’s going to mysteriously start playing porn when he’s queuing in the post office.

“But maybe it’s a blessing that he never uses it. Trying to explain to him how to install the Radio 4 app took several years off my life, and probably his too.”