Viewing naked celebrity pictures ‘same as watching the news’

MEN have convinced themselves that looking at naked celebrity pictures is a legitimate part of keeping up with current affairs.

31-year-old office worker Normal Steele said: “It’s important to keep up with what’s going on in the world, whether that’s unrest in the Balkans or a major online leak of photos showing Jennifer Lawrence in the nod.

“The ramifications for internet privacy are considerable and there are also issues surrounding the sexual objectification of some of my favourite Hollywood actresses.

“It’s covered in The Guardian so I think it’s perfectly legitimate to google ’naked celebrities’ and ‘Spiderman’s girlfriend’s arse’ as soon as the wife’s in bed.

“I like to stay informed, that’s all.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Transfer window day made a bank holiday

THE closing of the football transfer window has been made a public holiday, because no work gets done that day anyway.

Everything stops for the ball

Fans have been given a day’s leave to chase rumours, assess whether Torres can make it at Milan and criticise Big Sam for his resistance to continental flair using their own time and broadband.

Fan Roy Hobbs said: “Transfer deadline day isn’t for working.

“It’s a day for Twitter, for YouTube videos of hitherto unknown Slovenians, for watching endless footage of cars arriving at training grounds on Sky Sports News and claiming they all contain Ron Vlaar.

“It’s best I don’t go in, especially after last year when I spent a 12-hour shift tracing a rumour about Miroslav Klose signing for Newcastle which turned out to originate from my own Twitter account.

“But I want to reassure all my colleagues that my expert analysis of every single transfer, loan and medical evaluation will be available at my desk from 9am until well into the afternoon.”

The FA has also announced new standards for 14-15, ruling that a game must contain a minimum of ten goals to be described as a thriller after last season’s surfeit of high-scoring but dull matches.