THE arrest of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor means it is open season on any and all Royals. Who are you hoping to see convicted?
Helen Archer, GP: “The obvious choice: Kate, shoplifting. We all know she does it.”
Joe Turner, estate agent: “Harry and Meghan for wire fraud. No idea what it is but American celebrities are always getting done for it, and I for one would throw away the key.”
Eleanor Shaw, YouTuber: “Sophie, the Duchess of Edinburgh – who is really Diana. Who faked her own death, leaving the body of Jill Dando in the wreckage, then went on to become a TV star as she’d always dreamed, then got bored of it and faked her death a second time, murdering Sophie and taking her place as a Royal. I’ve plotted it all out. I’ve got charts.”
Nathan Muir, petroleum technician: “Camilla has always had the air of the madame of a high-class brothel to me, and she certainly has the means.”
Roy Hobbs, meter reader: “Princess Michael of Kent. Crimes against humanity.”
