Drivers Face Ban On Driving In Cars

BRITAIN’S top road safety campaigners are demanding a ban on ‘driving at the wheel’ in an attempt to cut the number of car crashes. 

Death machine psychopath

Evidence proves that almost all serious motor accidents involve at least one moving vehicle containing a person with his or her hands on a steering wheel.

The campaigners claim all accidents would stop overnight if these people were banned from touching steering wheels completely, and restricted to sitting in their cars and smoking instead.

Bill Tweedle, a leading authority on road safety in Britain, said: “It is so obvious we cannot understand why no one has banned it already. I mean, have you ever seen a car crash itself?

“Human beings are basically incapable of simultaneously performing complex tasks such as looking where they are going and not driving full speed kamikaze-style into rock hard objects.

“It’s a scientific fact that travelling at over five miles per hour starves the brain of oxygen and deforms the internal organs. It’s not natural, and women in particular should not do it.”

Mr Tweedle said the campaigners had compiled a dossier of evidence linking driving at the wheel to car crashes that it would pass to the Departments of Health and Transport this week.

He said: “We left an old car with no engine or wheels in the middle of a field for two years and not once was it involved in a fatal collision. How much more proof do you want?”