THE concept of ‘15-minute cities’ is being given a new name to appeal to people with an insufferably rose-tinted view of the past.
Boomers and Brexiters, who drone on about traditional high streets, were expected to be thrilled by the idea of having all their amenities on their doorstep, but instead are apoplectic with rage.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It’s confusing. The people most opposed to 15-minute cities are also the people who post nostalgic memes on Facebook about going to the corner shop to buy a ha’penny worth of chocolate limes, or some other vile olden days thing.
“So the solution we’ve come up with is to rename the 15-minute cities idea and relaunch it with adverts featuring polite and cheerful white people buying milk in glass bottles from other white people.
“You know, the sort of nostalgic bollocks they lap up even though it was never actually like that in the first place.
“Basically we’ll suggest it’s like doing your shopping in a war film, but without rationing. We’ll make a big deal of saying you can buy Spam, because they claim to adore Spam fritters despite not having eaten them for 40 years, if ever.”
Roy Hobbs, 63, said: “Yes, I’d like to live in a civilised place like that. If they can also have public floggings and hangings in the town square it’ll be perfect.”