Antagonists claim to prefer the weather like this

DELIBERATELY antagonistic people are claiming to prefer the wet weather just to provoke arguments.

“It’s not as clammy”

Following a drop in temperature and severe storms, those who relish being controversial have been talking loudly about how much pleasanter it is.

56-year-old bitter divorcee Roy Hobbs said: “It’s horrible when it’s hot, you can’t sleep at night, there are insects everywhere and you have to wear shorts which makes you look like a cartoon character.

“It suits me much better when it is torrential rain all day. At least you can get some work done.

“That’s what I think. You probably have some sort of problem with that, don’t you? Not that I care.”

87-year-old Mary Fisher said: “Rain is the weather for me. The sun hurts my eyes, I hate it. And it’s too hot for the dog.

“It’s just a shame you can’t do any of the things you enjoy doing, like going to the seaside or the park. Still, it’s better for me.

“Also, I prefer big dogs to puppies. Puppies are shit. Aren’t they?”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “These are the kind of people who will swear blind that Jaws II is better than Jaws, just because it isn’t.

“They will die alone.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

I know real police, warns PCSO

POLICE community support officer Tom Booker has warned some kids that he can get the real police onto them.

36-year-old Booker happened upon a group of youths breaking into a car, and swung into action with threats to summon some people who have powers of arrest.

Booker said: “All I have to do is speak into this walkie-talkie and the police will come, depending on how busy they are with other stuff.

“I know lots of real police, in fact I am mates with them.

“I’ve been in a police car twice.”