Biofuels Taste Awful, Say Africans

BIOFUELS are incredibly salty and don't really go with anything, hungry people in the Third World said last night.

As food crops are ploughed up to make way for biodiesel plants, local people in Africa, Asia and South America said they would really prefer rice, corn or some form of wheat.

Western governments believe biofuels can deliver three key objectives, including: reducing CO2 emmissions; guaranteeing energy security; and plunging the develoloping world into an endless, downward spiral of food riots and civil war.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies said: "At the moment it does make it somewhat impractical for half the global population to have their dinner.

"But in 40 or 50 years biofuels will be so efficient that we will be able to grow the crops in Africa, ship the fuel to America, refine it and then use it to ship cheese-based food products back to whoever's still living in Africa."

Charles Diogo, a farmer from Mozambique, said: "I really did try to like it, but I'm sorry, it's just a bit too diesely for my palate.

"But it's okay, don't worry, I'm sure we'll find something else to eat, somewhere.

"It's very important to us that you are able to drive to Asda in a more environmentally friendly way."

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Televangelist Challenges Pope To Jew-Hating Contest

US televangelist Pat Robertson has branded the Pope a dangerous liberal and challenged him to prove his Christian credentials in a televised Jew-hating contest. 

Robertson told the audience of his popular 700 Club talk show that despite being Pope for nearly three years the Pontiff had not once attacked the deniers of Christ in public.

He also branded him weak on homosexuality, pointing out that his opposition to same-sex marriage stopped short of advocating that all gays be drowned in their own urine.

Robertson said: "Where in the speeches and writings of this so-called holy man is there any reference to the well documented cases of baby eating by Jews?

"Has he ever written a book revealing how the Jew controls the world’s financial system and has taken us to war on every occasion for their own profit?

"Has he revealed to you, my poor brothers and sisters, just who it is that profits from the current financial crisis which is hitting advertising revenues on even the most god-fearing of television channels?

"Did he dictate to Mel Gibson, in person, the dialogue for his documentary The Passion of Christ? And did he, after seeing the first version, tell Gibson to do it all again because the Jews in his film were just not evil enough?"

A spokesman for the Vatican said: "Was Pat Robertson in the Hitler Youth? Thought not. Thank you and good night."