Boar, what are they good for? ask officials

BOAR are good for absolutely nothing, according to councillors in the Forest of Dean.

Debating a possible wild boar cull in the forest, local councillor Roy Hobbs said: “Boar, huh, yeah. What are they good for?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

He added that boar were “friend only to the undertaker” and “nothing but a heartbreaker”.

Hobbs continued: “I’ll say it again – boar, what are they good for? Absolutely nothing, good god y’all.

“The point of boar just blows my mind. Boar’s an enemy to all mankind.

“Especially if you accidentally get between them and their offspring.”

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Men's and women's brains equally empty

HUMAN brains are inefficient sacks of jelly regardless of gender, according to new research. 

Studies into the differences between men and women’s brains showed that they were equally incapable of concentrating for five minutes without thinking about crisps or telly.

Neurologist Nikki Hollis said: “Irrespective of whether you like Grey’s Anatomy or sheds, your brain is still just a spongy thing that can’t remember where your keys are.

“If you were to look at a scan of a brain you wouldn’t know if it was male or female – in fact you probably wouldn’t know it was a brain either, because you’re an idiot.”

Brubaker said: “The only role gender plays in intelligence is whether you frequently get called a stupid bastard or a stupid cow.”