Cat desperate to go outside until door opened

A CAT has rejected the chance to go outside, despite having seemed incredibly keen to do so.

Cat Roy Hobbs had spent 12 minutes meowing at the back door in what appeared to be a clear and unequivocal request to be let out.

However when owner Mary Fisher responded by opening the door, Hobbs immediately freaked out and ran under the table.

Fisher said: “It seemed like at that precise moment he wanted nothing more in the world than to go outside.

“But when I opened the door he looked at me as if I was pulling some sort of devious trick. He immediately backed away and I tried to sort of scoop him outside with my foot but he wasn’t having that.

“I went back into the other room to resume watching telly. That’s when he started meowing at the fucking door again.”

Roy Hobbs said: “I don’t know what I want. It’s complicated.”

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Renters delighted to keep buying houses for other people

GOVERNMENT plans for more rented housing have been welcomed by renters who like paying other people’s mortgages.

Generous tenants are happy to pay continually rising rents if it helps landlords achieve their dream of owning multiple properties.

Office worker Tom Logan said: “It’s a struggle paying over a grand a month for my tiny flat, but worth it to know my landlord Gavin will be financially secure when he retires.

“People say there’s no long-term benefit from renting, but they’re forgetting the warm glow I get from imagining him seeing his portfolio go up in value and retiring to Bermuda.

“He’s a good landlord who isn’t afraid to splash out on new incredibly cheap furniture when I need it.”

Artist Nikki Hollis said: “I love helping landlords pay their mortgages. It’s just a shame I have to keep moving when they sell the place to get the cash.

“My landlord has lots of properties, so it will be good to know I supported a plucky entrepreneur when I’m 70 and living in some sort of state compound for people who never bought a house.

“Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a landlord too, but I’m one of those weird people who isn’t obsessed with money.”