Sunday, 16th May 2021

Checkout girl doesn't give a shit why you've not brought your bag for life

A SUPERMARKET checkout assistant has confirmed she could not care less about your reasons for not bringing reusable shopping bags with you today. 

Joanna Kramer, aged 39, estimates she is given at least 20 excuses for buying carrier bags every shift, and does not listen to a single one of them.

She said: “Who am I, the Green police? And if your justification isn’t good enough I’ll make you put all your shopping back?

“It’s like people think I hold them personally responsible for destroying the environment. I’ve been out back where they unload the pallets. I’ve seen plastic waste. A few bags is nothing.

“But still they come at me with ‘oh, my husband’s taken my car with all my bags in it’ and ‘I didn’t know I’d be buying more than one thing’ as if I give a solitary shit.

“I’m like, I just work here mate. Shut the fuck up.”

Shopper Emma Bradford said: “I do care about the environment and love dolphins, but on the way here I saw a poor orphan boy huddled in a doorway so I gave him my bag for life as a bed. Is that good enough?”