Guardian thinks women are a team

THE Guardian has decided women are like a big sports team who all women are massive fans of. 

The newspaper believes it, and its readership, wholeheartedly support any endeavour by women and that their achievements should be cheered like the Stretford End cheer when Manchester United score a goal.

Guardian journalist Nikki Hollis said: “I’ve just written a piece about a Turkish woman who’s challenged sexist stereotypes by becoming the country’s leading badger-culler. Go women, even though I quite like badgers.

“All women deserve my unquestioning support, whether they’re insufferably boring sportspeople, super-privileged City CEOs or Tories who wouldn’t be noticeably out of place in the SS.

“We also think it’s great when girls beat boys in A-level results. Sure, education’s failing a whole gender, but it’s a victory for our giant team of 33 million people with vaginas.”

Hollis is currently working on a 3,000-word feature about pioneering women that includes profiles of Golda Meir, Samantha Fox and Miss Piggy.

She added: “Sadly I couldn’t find any female cannibal serial killers, but if I could I’d be all ‘Keep chopping those fingers, sisters. Stay strong.’”