Climate Change Link To Gingers

THE first clear link between ginger hair and climate change has been established by scientists at Dundee University.

Project leader Dr Henry Brubaker said: "We looked at photographs of a huge variety of people and asked ourselves, 'which of these is most likely to be the cause of climate change?' and every time we chose a ginger. Every single time."

The UK government is to launch a £20 million campaign to encourage ginger owners to switch them off at the wall rather than leave them on stand-by.

Dr Brubaker said the science linking climate change to gingers was complex but added: "It's mainly to do with the colour of their hair."

President Bush will use the results of the US government-funded study to lobby for a watered down climate change agreement at the G8 in Germany.

A White House spokesman said: "Climate change is not caused by fossil fuels: fact. The challenge now is, how do we deal with the gingers?"

European governments are pushing for higher taxes to reduce the overall size of gingers while the US favours investment in ginger-capture technology.

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'Springwatch' Badger Is Benefits Cheat

SPRINGWATCH badger Gary Degan is a dole cheat who is claiming thousands of pounds in benefits while appearing on the hit television show. 

The reality television star told programme producers he was an unemployed dancer when he auditioned for his role in the BBC2 show,

which brings with it a £25,000 appearance fee.

In fact Degan runs his own window cleaning round while also making multiple benefits claims to support three different sows and 18 badger cubs.

Debby Cankers, executive producer on the show, said she was shocked to learn that Degan was a serial womaniser and dole cheat running a lucrative cash-in-hand business on the side.

She said: "We never even knew badgers could climb ladders, never mind hold a chamois leather and a bucket.”

Roger Morton, chief investigator for the local Department of Social Security, said: "Maybe he thought none of us would see him on the show because most of his stuff goes out late at night."

The BBC last night said it was reviewing the badger’s position on the show although Degan himself denied any wrongdoing saying his £25,000 fee was to cover 'expenses' and insisted: "I've never been up a ladder in his life."

But Alice Pont, 83, confirmed that Degan had been doing her windows every four weeks for the last two years.

"I would recognise that face anywhere. He does a great job too. No smearing."