Forth Bridge pissed

THE Forth Road Bridge has been closed after engineers discovered it was well over the safe alcohol limit, it has emerged.

The bridge will remain closed until after Hogmanay in an attempt to get all the booze out of the 8,000ft long bridge’s system.

Engineer Bill McKay said: “We’d noticed it visibly swaying, but we thought that was because of high winds.

“Turns out it’s been beginning the day with Buckfast, necking Tennent’s Super the minute the commuters are gone and onto the single malts by mid-afternoon.

“It’s 51 years old, from Glasgow, deteriorating physically and beginning to wonder if all those years helping people get to Fife were really worthwhile.

“It’d be more surprising if it wasn’t an alcoholic.”