WORKERS have been told not to disclose their Secret Santa identity on pain of death.
Secret Santa is a sacred ritual dating back to Roman times, but in recent years some participants have openly discussed which present they bought, desecrating the noble tradition.
Company director Julian Cook said: “Many a good man has gone to the grave being the only one who knows he gave Carol from accounts a pocket-sized karma sutra, and that’s how it should be.
“We ask two things of our employees – that they spend a fiver or less and that they never reveal their identity, even under the most severe torture.”
Although the average amusement generated by a Secret Santa present is around seven seconds, employees across the country remain committed to the ritual.
Tom Logan said: “Last year I bought the present in disguise, wrapped it while wearing surgical gloves, put Lucy’s name on it in letters cut out from newspapers and then had it delivered to work by a courier, who I then had assassinated, poor chap.
“But then I went and blurted it out when I was pissed at the Christmas party.”
