A GUARDIAN reader is deeply troubled by the environmental impact of Santa’s annual round-the-world trips.
Having drained all the fun out of everything else, liberal news consumer Julian Cook has turned his critical eye to the carbon footprint of Santa’s intercontinental sleigh flights.
He said: “A single flight abroad is enough to make Greta cry. Jetting off to visit every child on the planet in a single night is essentially a war crime against the planet.
“Even if he’s vegan, which I strongly doubt, there’s no way Santa’s behaviour is sustainable. Factor in the animal labour of all those reindeer and it’s amazing he hasn’t been cancelled yet.
“To make things worse, he’s dropping single-use plastic tat down fossil fuel burner pipes. Why aren’t Just Stop Oil glueing themselves onto the roads to his workshop or throwing soup over grottos?
“It’s minorities like black people, people on benefits and lesbians I feel most sorry for. As the Guardian always reminds me, they’re more severely impacted by this than me.”
Cook’s son Martin said: “I haven’t got the heart to tell daddy he is in fact Father Christmas. I don’t think he’s mature enough for his illusion of self-righteousness to be shattered just yet.”