Lobster can’t believe he ended up in bloody Lidl

A LOBSTER is dismayed to have ended up in the frozen food section of Lidl, he has confirmed.

Marine crustacean Tom Logan said that being hauled out of the sea then frozen to preserve his succulent flesh was bad enough, but at least he could have been sold in a classy shop.

He said: “I was hoping for Fortnum & Mason or at least Harrods’ food hall.

“But here I am, in Swindon’s second-largest Lidl, trapped in suspended animation as people with multiple chins ogle me and make vague grunting noises.

“The life of a lobster is a short and unhappy one, but at least you are reasonably confident of being eaten in a large tasteful house, washed down with fine wines.

“Dear God, someone’s discussing whether they could re-sell me on eBay.”