Come back when he shags a dead pig, says jaded Britain

SEX claims against Donald Trump are ‘lightweight’ and do not even involve a farm animal, according to Britons. 

Allegations that Trump watched prostitutes ‘defile’ a hotel room, which have shocked America, were dismissed as ‘basically vanilla’ by cynical Brits who demand far deeper sexual depravities from leaders. 

Roy Hobbs of Glossop said: “So he just watched them? That’s local councillor level over here. 

“When you’ve been through the Cameron pig allegations and watched the Thatcher cabinet orgy films on YouTube then this Trump stuff’s charmingly wholesome.”

83-year-old grandmother Susan Traherne said: “I didn’t even have to google ‘golden shower’. America needs to raise its game.”

She added: “Christ alone knows what Theresa May’s into. But I think I’m safe in saying she leaves no surviving witnesses.”