FAME undoubtedly has its downsides, but there are always jobs at Greggs. Spare a thought for these unhappily successful musicians.

Adele

Adele has commented that she ‘absolutely hates’ being famous and misses anonymity. On the upside she’s been able to take a ‘hiatus’ while presumably still earning a fortune from her millions. It’s unlikely your boss would agree to you taking an unspecified number of months off if you promise to come back with an exciting new batch of spreadsheets.

André 3000

Being heralded as a generational talent and sex symbol is awful, and so is all the money, so it’s understandable that André took a step back from fame. Unfortunately he hasn’t grasped that doing ‘ordinary people’ things like visiting laundrettes and swanning around beaches with a set of oboes like a true artist are sure signs of a millionaire with f**k all else to do.

Bruce Springsteen

Mr Blue Collar Small Town Man Versus American Greed himself has gone as far as to describe his fame as a ‘curse’. Fair enough, he’s always had his heart in the right place and supported the little guy, but you’d think nonetheless he’d do a quick cost/benefit analysis of being Bruce Springsteen versus working in one the oil refineries in his songs that are always getting shut down.

Charli xcx

Charli has had a career every broke barista would kill for, so naturally her latest album and film question whether fame and success can fulfil your emotional needs and stuff. ‘Probably more than working in a garage’ may be the answer. And, unlike Martin Scorsese agreeing to appear on your album cover, he wouldn’t be visiting Kwik Fit to give his seal of approval to a new clutch well-fitted. 

Kendrick Lamar

Kendrick has had his share of run-ins with the fame monster, even ending up confessing to adultery from a time he wasn’t very famous, and having to shoulder the responsibility of slagging off another rich and famous musician, which must have consumed some serious man-hours. It’s just a shame us non-famous people can’t earn royalties from calling someone a wanker.

Lorde

With dreams of aspirational wealth inspiring her smash first single, Lorde’s aversion to money is famously precarious. Of course the public being obsessed with your body image is extremely horrible and unnecessary, but it’s hard not to think that engaging in and settling high-profile beefs might not be the best way to avoid attention.

Lauryn Hill

Make one great thing and you can live off of it for the rest of your life, something Lauryn has been doing since she hit paydirt with one wanky critical pick album. However she still felt the need to retreat from fame by getting a spiritual advisor and studying Bible scripture intensively. You can’t help but think that just going on holiday a lot might be healthier, but fame is definitely bad. It makes you commit tax evasion.