AN earthquake in Rutland has left Midlands towns a bleak, devastated, landscape of nothing but Poundstretchers and Costa Coffees.
Yesterday’s quake, measuring 3.8 on the Richter scale, was thought to have been too small to cause any damage until TV footage of the grim, hopeless towns of Oakham and Kettering was screened.
Relief co-ordinator Bill McKay said: “What we are seeing in Kettering is just hideous.
“Charity shops, catalogue remainder shops, the kind of department stores everyone thought closed in the 1970s with names like Gibbonson’s, and everywhere human flotsam and jetsam carrying whatever they’d managed to salvage in plastic bags.
“This isn’t survivable. Even though the residents are reluctant to leave their hovels we’re shipping everyone to Leicester for their own safety.”
Cash has been pouring in to the relief fund after harrowing TV reports, and when the target of £3.8 million is met the towns will be leveled by bulldozers and rebuilt from scratch.