Most Willing To Lie About Green Lifestyle Changes

MOST people are ready to tell enormous lies about the personal sacrifices they will make to halt climate change, the latest Daily Mash poll reveals.

77% said they would be more than happy to give up their novelty smoothie maker but had absolutely no intention of doing so

Our survey asked: “Would you give up your 4×4, foreign holiday, luxury consumer goods, and dishwasher to save the planet?” More than 80% said: “Absolutely, yes”.

We then asked: “Would you really give up your 4×4, foreign holiday, luxury consumer goods, and dishwasher to save the planet?” More than 80% said: “No, actually, I wouldn't, come to think of it.”

Alexandra McLeish, 48, a mother of two, said she would happily give up her Maytag ZigZag fridge freezer and Electrolux Iron Aid tumble dryer to preserve the planet for her young son and daughter.

When we offered to take them away on an electric truck she said: “You will have to prize them from my cold dead hands you motherfuckers”, and barricaded herself in the kitchen with a shotgun.

Bill McKay, 36, from  Reading, said: “I would personally sacrifice my mother and father, wife and three children if it meant I could replace my PS3 with a Nintendo Wii and fly to Thailand for sex tourism.”

He added: “It would work out better in the end, because I will be able to offset my kerb crawling.”

Bob Holt, 48, from Harrogate, said he was prepared to make huge personal sacrifices to save the planet from climate change as long as it did not involve any huge personal sacrifice.

He said: “There are billions of poor Chinese people who don’t have big cars, adequate sanitation, central heating or electric light. If we could just keep it like that then I can have a Range Rover Sport. What exactly is the problem?”

But Yen Xiao, a farmer, from Jiangsu Province in China, said: “If it’s alright with you, I would still quite like a FUCKING FRIDGE.”