‘Replace My Photo With Bag Of Prawn Cocktail Crisps’ Demands Prince
PRINCE, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, broke into uncharted mental territory yesterday after instructing his fan websites to remove his photograph.
The singer said he would no longer communicate with those who failed to recognise his status as a delicious bag of prawn cocktail crisps.
He has issued legal warnings to all of his fan websites ordering them to replace his image with a photograph of a bag of crisps or face death at the hands of his private army of incredibly attractive women.
He is also to re-issue his classic 1987 album Sign o' the Times to include a three-hour video about the life cycle of the North Atlantic prawn.
Prince, who made a statement dressed as his lawyer, said: "In recent months I have come to realise that I have always been a bag of prawn cocktail crisps. Emotionally, artistically, sexually."
He added: "As of midnight tonight I will cease to exist as Prince and will be reborn as 'Prince: The Bag of Crisps'.
"Under no circumstances must you refer to me as 'Bag', 'Crisps', 'Baggy' or 'Crispy'."
The superstar said that he would take legal action against anyone who represented his image with a generic bag of crisps insisting it must be the officially approved bag of Walkers Prawn Cocktail.
"And it must not be part of a multi-pack," he added.