Energy Cocktails Make You Shag All Night, Doctors Warn

MIXING alcohol with energy drinks stops you from falling asleep in discos and makes you fornicate like a rabbit, leading doctors warned last night.

These people are in grave danger of having sex with each other for hours

Researchers found that people who downed the hugely popular mixer cocktails were hugely more likely to have drunken sex that went on for hours than those who just stuck to alcohol alone and could only manage it once.

Bill McKay, director of drink at the Institute of Drink, said: “You really should not touch these things at all, not unless you want to expose yourself to a huge risk of drink and sex binges that go on all night long.”

According to Dr. McKay, mixing popular energy drinks like Red Bull with various forms of strong spirit produces a complex chemical reaction in the brain which ensures that even repulsive people still regularly end up in bed.

He said: “Mixed together they trigger a number of receptors in the frontal lobes linked to desire and bad vision. So at the end of the night anyone still standing is guaranteed a leg-over, even the munters.

"These things are the best thing to happen to ugly people since the invention of booze itself. Why didn’t we have them when I was at college?” 

Researchers quizzed thousands of university students on their drinking habits and found most had ended up in bed having sex for hours after consuming an energy alcohol mixture, but usually with someone revolting.

Liam Halligan, 23, said: “I went home with Kylie, and woke up with something that looked like a pig in knickers. I’ll never touch the stuff again.”

Mary Quinn, 22, said: “I woke up covered in pus because all his spots exploded when he went off. I'll never touch him again."