AN UPPER class woman is obviously in love with her horse, it has been confirmed.
Lady Susan Traherne is married to a human, but also likes to feed her horse Trinket sugar cubes while gently blowing into his big horse nostrils.
She said: “It is absurd to suggest that I, a sane and balanced posh woman in a healthy marriage to a much older red-faced man who only cares about shooting and cheese, could have feelings for a horse. Even if he is large, muscular, unfailingly loyal and has the long sensitive eyelashes of a poet.
“Anyway I only keep Trinket because horseback is such a cheap and practical way to get to the village Post Office.”
Horse Trinket said: “Just to be absolutely clear, I am a gelding. You know what that means, right?
“We have a normal, healthy horse-and-posh-woman relationship where she puts on incredibly tight trousers and sits on my back for no reason, then afterwards we go back to the stable and she cradles my huge horse head while feeding me hay and telling me her innermost secrets.
“Her husband Gerry is a total bastard, apparently.”