Slight breeze makes man fall to knees and weep with joy

A SLIGHT breeze has brought a man to his knees with blessed relief, witnesses have confirmed. 

Stephen Malley of Bury St Edmonds in Suffolk felt the cooling zephyr pass briefly over his burning skin and claimed it offered a vision of a better world.

He said: “Life before the heatwave came back to me in that moment, like a religious experience.

“Such vivid sensations and memories. Pulling a jumper on in the house. Thick socks. Putting your hands in your pockets for warmth, not to briefly rearrange your sweating bollocks. Goosebumps!

“I swore to myself then and there that one day I would feel them again. One day I will be able to walk 100 metres without looking like I’ve run a fucking marathon. One day it will be too cold for flip-flops.

“God, remember the Beast from the East? How we loved it?”

Meteorologist Dr Helen Archer said: “He felt a breeze? Lucky, lucky bastard.”