Spring vastly overrated

SPRING is more or less the same as winter, it has been confirmed.

The first day of spring has brought all day rain and sub-zero temperatures in parts of the UK, causing the public to question how exactly it differs from the rain and sub-zero temperatures of the winter months.

Meteorologist Bill McKay said: “There are really only two seasons in Britain: winter and those two weeks where people take their tops off in the park.

“But we managed to create this imaginary ‘season’ where repeated bursts of sudden heavy rain are somehow a good thing and everyone pretends that daffodils are something more than a desperation gift for a mother-in-law.

“We also convinced the public that November is ‘cosy’ and that for some reason it’s nice when leaves decay in ‘autumn’. “

However accountant Emma Bradford said: “It may be hailing but it’s a nice, refreshing hail. So different to the bleak miserable hail of last week.”