THE public has had its fill of the sun and is happy to spend the rest of 2026 in perpetual darkness, they have confirmed.
Having endured a few weeks of glorious, unbearable weather, the people of Britain are in agreement that the sun can bugger off behind cloud cover or an extended eclipse for a good few months now.
Susan Traherne of Poole said: “Ideally, NASA would destroy the sun so we’d never have to be bothered by it again. But a prolonged absence would be an acceptable compromise.
“Yes, all plant life would perish, as would most insects, animals and humans, The seas would freeze. Civilisation as we know it would be wiped out. But last week was horribly sweaty and Asda ran out of Nobbly Bobblys by Wednesday.
“Imagine how lovely it would be to stumble around in cool, refreshing blackness. No need for hosepipe bans, no more smearing your neck with suncream, and the ugly wouldn’t have to feel self-conscious. It’s got to be worth a try.”
Norman Steele from Warrington said: “Getting rid of the sun would end global warming, pleasing Greta Thunberg, but also end solar power, pleasing Jeremy Clarkson. Making it a fair compromise.
“What else are we supposed to do? Heed the grim warning of these heatwaves and change our lifestyles accordingly? I’ve got a fortnight in the Algarve booked.”
