Couple grudgingly making meal because they bought all the ingredients

A COUPLE are grimly going through the motions of making a disappointing stir-fry solely because they bought all the ingredients to make it.

James Bates and Lauren Hewitt, both 38, robotically buy the necessary ingredients for the bland chicken dish every week due to a lack of imagination and the irrational belief it will somehow be nice this time.

Now they must glumly prepare, cook and eat the hated meal after putting it off all week, while unconvincingly justifying their poor decision-making by repeatedly saying it will be ‘healthy’. 

Bates said: “We’ve bought the flavourless beansprouts and the cheap chicken will go off soon, so we’ve got to make it. We are the architects of our own destruction.

“I feel I deserve something tasty like a cheeseburger just for making it through another fraught week of work in our increasingly troubled world. But instead it’s pointless baby sweetcorn and the packet stir-fry sauce we dislike the least.”

Hewitt said: “It’s ostensibly a Chinese stir-fry but any restaurant that served it would be out of business in a fortnight, and rightly so.

“Once I’ve eaten the bare minimum I fill up on Chocolate Buttons and Wispas from the cupboard. That’s fine because it’s sweet and sour, right?”

Each week the couple agree to snap out of their rut by never buying the ingredients again, a plan which will come to fruition in 2029 after a further 196 identical meals.

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'Not so clever now you can't defend yourself, are you Ukraine?'

UKRAINE is not as good at waging war now it is not allowed missiles or to know where the targets are, the US has mocked.

Following the withdrawal of military aid and intelligence, Ukrainian forces are no longer anywhere near as effective at defending the country’s people and infrastructure against an aggressor than previously, which will teach them.

A White House source said: “They think they’re so plucky, laying down their lives to defend their families and their homes. Well, this will wipe off those arrogant smirks.

“Not so good at stopping drone strikes to apartment buildings now, are you? Thought you were all that with your ‘Russia has only taken 20 per cent of our territory, we are bravely fighting for the future of our nation!’ when actually it was mainly us.

“We can all fight wars when someone else is doing all the hard work of providing weapons and giving us the enemy’s location. All Ukraine had to do was turn up on the front line, point and shoot. Easy.

“Real warriors can fight blindfolded with no weapons, and if you doubt that then President Trump has a ninja film he can show you. I’ve seen it. It’s extremely convincing.”

He added: “You know who’s had a real gap in satellite intelligence during this war, making the whole thing basically unfair bullying? Putin. Well, we’ll fix that.”