MILK and bread will be the next victims of needless panic buying, Britain’s moronic stockpilers have confirmed.
Having descended on pasta and toilet paper like a plague of locusts, hoarders will move on to the products they traditionally target during a light dusting of snow.
Stockpiler Bill McKay said: “It’ll be good to go back to basics. Wrestling hand sanitiser out of an old lady’s hands wasn’t the same as a loaf or four pints of semi-skimmed.
“I enjoyed buying all the hand soap while leaving the shower gel untouched, even though they’re essentially the same thing, but it’s time to return to my core values.
“Thanks to their short shelf life, I can legitimately stock up on excessive amounts of milk and bread every few days without the cashier getting angry. I know I should freeze some for the long term, but where’s the fun in that?”
Chronic accumulator Eleanor Shaw said: “Once all the normal bread’s gone I’ll stockpile bagels and tiger bread, then flour and yeast so nobody can bake a loaf at home.
“I’ll never stoop to buying seeded bread or almond milk though. I’m not crazy.”
