Man genuinely believes smoothie could cure hangover

A HUNGOVER man is unreasonably expecting a fruit smoothie to do all the work of restoring him after an eight-hour booze bender. 

Tom Booker, aged 28, consumed double the recommended weekly units of alcohol in a single night but is hoping that a 750ml serving of fruit and sugar will undo the damage completely.

He said: “The only thing I remember about last night is being sick in a hedge at 2am. But I’m sure this smoothie will bring it all flooding back.

“I’m also confident it will get rid of the shakes, calm my turbulent stomach, return my face from grey to pink and fix my brain. I can’t be more specific than that because of my brain.

“It’s bright green, which means it’s natural, and it’s fruit which is paleo if that’s still a thing, and it’s going to cure me completely. Hopefully in the next ten minutes, because I’ve got work.”

Following the consumption of the smoothie, Booker proclaimed himself to be ‘100 per cent better’ and left the house only to throw it all up in the same hedge as the night before.

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Veganuary participants warned to begin with eggs and work their way up

VEGANUARY participants re-entering the omnivorous world have been warned to begin with eggs rather than going straight to the hard stuff. 

Diet experts have advised that, after a month of quinoa and rice and tofu, plunging back in with a bacon sandwich could send the weakened body into a state of flavoursome shock.

Dr Helen Archer said: “Ease yourself in with a nice pint of milk. That doesn’t really taste of anything, much like everything you’ve had in the last month.

“Then eggs. Stay away from anything but the most mild cheddars for at least a day. Even a cheese omelette could overwhelm your impoverished palate.

“Sausages are your ideal gateway to the world of meat, given they’re about 70 per cent bread, then perhaps some chicken. Don’t hit the beef until you’re sure you’re ready.

“Every year we get reports of people celebrating the end of Veganuary with a late-night kebab and being rushed straight to A&E with near-terminal meat sweats. Don’t be that guy.”

Nathan Muir of Watford said: “Nonsense. I’ll be fine with this steak bake. W-what’s happening?! My senses – FLOODING – my mind – BLOWN!”