Man stops eating when he is full

A MAN has enjoyed just enough food and is not going to eat any more until the next meal, it has emerged.

Wayne Hayes got three quarters of the way through a ready made lasagne and decided to leave the rest because he ‘feels pleasantly full’.

Hayes said: “It’s very strange, but for some reason I haven’t forced down the last couple of mouthfuls and scraped every last molecule of cheese off the packaging. And I’ve barely even thought about the six pack of chocolate mousses in the fridge.

“If I stop eating when I’ve had enough, I could go to bed without that bloated, sick and flatulent feeling I have every other night of my life.

“Anyway, I’m sure it won’t happen again.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Stopping eating when full goes against every natural male instinct, but it is possible.

“The key thing is to stop believing that eating food is a test of your masculinity.”

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Who said it? Theresa May or a child's doll given life by the dark arts?

THERESA May is a divisive figure in British society, with some people hating her and others wondering how in the name of god she is still prime minister – but who said it? The self-styled ‘New Iron Lady’ or a doll that has been given life by a warlock who seeks to wreak havoc on a young family in small town America?

1. “In tough times, everyone has to take their share of the pain.”

Your first thought is that this could only have been said by a hideous creature whose sole reason for being is to terrorise and bring pain to others.

Answer: Theresa May

2. “I’d like to see the Human Rights Act go because I think we have had some problems with it.”

Obviously, a only sociopathic automaton whose powers of evil were brought about through witchcraft would say such a thing. Or perhaps not?

Answer: Theresa May

3. “We will continue to work with our friends and allies in the Democratic Unionist Party.”

They say you can judge a person by the company they keep, so whoever said this must be fine with cosying up to nutjobs without even a flicker of conscience.

Answer: It was both.

4. “Anti-social behaviour blights lives, wrecks communities and provides a pathway to criminality.”

Answer: It was the doll, talking about Theresa May