A MAN has decided not to let the possibly fatal consequences of COVID-19 ruin the reopening of his favourite high street bakery.
Martin Bishop, a Greggs regular or ‘Greggular’ as he insists on calling himself, plans to be first in line when his local store reopens next week.
He said: “There’s simply no way of successfully combining sausage, beans and cheese in my own kitchen, so it’s off to Greggs and possible death.
“I’d hate for people to call me brave. I’m not an NHS hero or someone running a marathon on their balcony for charity and their own smug sense of self-satisfaction.
“I just feel the least I can do at a time like this is to take my life in my hands on a pointless journey to enjoy cheap, calorific food completely unnecessarily.
“Some people have been missing their loved ones, but for me it’s that first joyous bite into the corner of the melt which allows the steam to escape and the beany, cheesy, sausagey mix to cool to an edible temperature.”
Bishop will spend the weekend perfecting his order, which may include half a dozen Yum Yums and a can of Fanta. If all goes well his next act of heroism will be ordering a Zinger Tower Meal from KFC.