Whole family bricking it as daughter insists on hosting Christmas this year

A FAMILY are regretting their decision to let daughter Lucy cook Christmas dinner instead of Mum. 

The entire Parry family are shitting themselves that Christmas will be a passive-aggressive nightmare with Lucy glowering and ready to kick off if she hears a single complaint.

Brother Nate said: “When she suggested it we all said ‘That’d be lovely’. We never thought she’d see the threat through. According to her kids she can’t cook fish fingers for four, let alone turkey and trimmings for ten.

“She’s destroying our family traditions. I want to spend Christmas Day opening rubbish presents and drinking myself into an argumentative state in the house I grew up in.

“Instead we’re on eggshells thanks to Lucy’s hubristic generosity. If it was just a cunning way to avoid having to drive three hours up the M1 to Mum and Dad’s, it’s backfired.”

Mother Jan said: “Lucy seems to think it will be a ‘year off’ the stress for me, but if anything it’s worse. It’s like knowing in advance you’re going to be driven into a brick wall. With all your loved ones in the car beside you.

“I’ve spent weeks cooking and freezing a back-up meal, so I’ll pop that in the boot before we set off.”

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Right-wing dickheads think you want a lockdown

RIGHT-WING knobheads across the UK have convinced themselves that their political opponents love being locked up in their own homes for months. 

All of the worst Tory twats have decided that anyone who not bitterly opposed to Covid restrictions is well into Covid restrictions and cannot wait for three months of house arrest with the kids.

Richard Littlejohn said: “Omicron ain’t nothing to be scared of. It’s more frightened of you than you are of it. So why do these cringing cowards thirst for lockdown?

“Well, first because they hate business and want them all to go bust. That’s obvious. And restricting the freedoms of others gets them hard because they’re all Stalin.

“But it seems to me that it goes further for these weaklings. That they secretly crave their imprisonment, that they are relieved to have the state in control of whether they can even socialise, and their dream future is everyone locked up forever.

“It’s the only possible explanation. And I’ve worked it out from just sitting at my desk, without any evidence whatsoever, based purely on visceral dislike. I really am incredible, like a bigoted Sherlock Holmes.”

Joe Turner of Nottingham said: “Uh? No, it’s because we don’t want to catch Covid.”