AN INTOLERABLE bastard is keenly anticipating the next lockdown so he can experience the raw power of being a Zoom quizmaster again.
Throughout the 2020 and 2021 lockdowns, Tom Booker loved nothing more than lording it over his friends and family via lengthy, elaborate Zoom quizzes and with Omicron cases rising he is ready to once again feel the exhilarating rush of asking people questions.
He said: “My social life was never better than during lockdown. Every Saturday night everyone would log on wishing they hadn’t but knowing it was better than nothing.
“Being a quizmaster awoke something inside me I’d never felt before. I had never had that kind of authority. People were hanging on my every word. When I told them the mystery celebrity was Chris Pine not Chris Pratt they gasped.
“There hasn’t been a quiz since April. The shallow and attractive have been too busy ‘hanging out’ or ‘going to the pub’ and all that wasteful nonsense.
“But I can sense another lockdown. I know, in my quizmaster’s bones, that New Year’s Eve will be cancelled. The poor fools will have nowhere else to turn.
“Don’t worry. I intend to make them suffer. My big quiz of 2021 is 52 questions long and includes a Matt Hancock snog photo spot-the-difference.”