Woman incapable of drinking entire mug of tea

A WOMAN who appears normal in every other respect is unable to drink more than two-thirds of a mug of tea.

Joanna Kramer of Swindon enthusiastically makes and orders mugs of tea but is apparently unable to consume a full one, regardless of the size of the vessel.

Partner Tom Logan said: “I’ve tried only filling the mug two-thirds full. But then she only drinks two-thirds of that.

“Just two more sips and it’d all be over, but she can’t do it. Does she have a problem letting go? Or is she afraid of seeing the bottoms of cups?

“I’ve got used to it – I don’t even ask the question any more – but friends and waitresses still ask if she’s done only to be dismissed with a wave of the hand and a ‘it’s finished’.

“Oddly, she has no problem whatsoever draining a full glass of wine. Or a bottle.”

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Bring back National Service, say people who've given it f**k all thought

NATIONAL Service in the armed forces should be reinstated immediately, according to dense people who have not thought it through.

After the idea was floated by Chuka Umunna’s independent group of MPs, millions of Britons immediately agreed that making other people join the army sounds brilliant.

Administrative assistant Nikki Hollis said: “Teaches them discipline, stops them being snowflakes, keeps them off the streets, I’ve given it three seconds’ thought.”

“All this knife crime would stop in a minute if young people were highly trained in all forms of combat and addicted to their own adrenaline. That’s for sure.

But Colonel Tom Booker of the 3rd Armoured Division said: “Managing tens of thousands of bored, unsuitable recruits is our nightmare. I won’t be handing them grenades.

“If someone’s doing something useful like becoming a doctor, why put them in the army? What if they run off? Do we want to make deserters out of people who only wanted a job in Sainsbury’s?”

An undeterred Hollis added: “I wouldn’t have to do it myself, right? There’s no way I could do a 10-mile route march. I look bad in flats.”