Wednesday, 12th August 2020

I'm your prime minister now

Hello there, I am Arlene Foster, leader of the DUP and your new prime minister, and I have a few changes in mind. 

I don’t like what you’ve done with this country. There aren’t enough Union Jacks up. None of you are British enough.

Why aren’t you farmers? Farming’s an honest profession. No time for idle hands. Closer to God. Let’s have you all farmers now.

And you do know that Ireland’s in the EU? You can’t trust them. They’re bastards. You don’t know them like I do. 

Which areas are your Catholics in? What do you mean they’re not all in one area? That’s ridiculous. You want to be rounding them up.