A RADICAL non-conformist has asserted that she, and not the arbitrary weight proscribed by a packet, decides when she has had enough crisps.
Donna Sheridan, aged 23, wants to know who decided something as life-enhancing as salt and malt vinegar McCoys should be restricted to a single 25g serving in a 194mm by 133mm bag, and why society has meekly submitted to this injustice.
She said: “One packet isn’t enough. Two isn’t plenty. I need more of that satisfying crunch followed by monosodium glutamate deliciousness all over my tongue.
“Who decided a tiny packet is the right vessel for our beloved starchy snacks and why is it only half-full? Chicken can come in a bucket, so why not crisps? Who set these laws? How can they be changed?
“I could buy a family bag but I have no family. It’s fine to put them in a bowl for guests, but fill a bowl to get you through an afternoon’s work and you’ll be the subject of the office group chat.
“Sometimes you open a packet and there’s only about five in there. If I tried to sell you nine crisps, you’d tell me to go f**k myself, and you’d be right to. Yet we’re staggering through our one and only lives kept hungry for our birthright of crisps.”
Colleague Joanna Kramer said: “Christ, alright, have my crisps. But you’re getting me more.”