Anti-vaccination family has built up natural immunity to facts

A FAMILY that refuses all vaccinations has a natural immunity to science and facts, it has emerged.

After being repeatedly exposed to the blindingly obvious yet rejecting it, Tom and Sarah Booker are now resistant to all reasoning.

Booker said: “After years of believing childhood vaccines contain evil ghosts, we have developed total protection against natural laws.

“Even gravity no longer affects us, we have to wear steel boots to stop us floating off into the sky.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of The Institute for Studies said: “By regularly rejecting common sense, the family have become immune to the threat of new knowledge.

“This is actually quite scientific. If anyone were to tell them this, however, it would cause a cognitive dissonance so strong they might die.”

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David Davis offers to crucify himself as Brexit payment

DAVID Davis has offered himself for crucifixion if Britain can leave the EU on favourable terms.

Davis made the offer to the EU negotiators, adding that he would bear them no grudge for their actions and that he would see them again in the next life, as long as the next life wasn’t in Brussels.

Davis said: “A human sacrifice is obviously the only way we’re going to sort this out, so take me as a martyr for Brexit.

Like Jesus Christ, Joan of Arc or that Buddhist monk on the cover of the first Rage Against the Machine album.”

EU chief negotiator Michel Barnier added: “It’s a kind offer but we’re actually more interested in sorting out freedom of movement and things like that.

But he just offered up the palms of his hands and said ‘Whatever you do to the least of my brothers, you also do it to Boris Johnson.’”