A FAT-SHAMING bastard is moaning about how much they need to lose weight even though they are much thinner than you.
Comparatively slender friend James Bates is making a big deal of counting calories and going for runs to ‘shift the pounds’ while being at least three stone lighter than you are.
He said: “I stood on the scales the other day and my God, I must have put on 11 pounds. That’s when I realised I needed to do something about my obese sack of a body.
“I reckon my increased mass is due to that one slice of chocolate cake I grudgingly ate at your birthday. You gobbled down half a dozen, but we’re not all blessed with your metabolism.
“If I could get away with sporting a beer belly or flabby love handles like you, then believe me I would. But I’m just not built for it. I’d look silly and be conscious that I’m a heaving, sweaty, disgusting blob that women find utterly repellent.”
Bald friend Wayne Hayes said: “He was moaning to me about how unmanageably thick and lustrous his hair was the other week. This twat knows exactly what he’s doing.”