FROM next April all potential users of cannabis will have to sit a government-approved grooviness test.
With experts warning of increasingly potent strains of the drug, the government will tighten the law to ensure it is used only by those groovy enough to handle it.
Government officials predict that the most applicants will be judged 'insufficiently groovy' after a series of tests involving coloured lights, sirens and an angry dog.
Meanwhile excessive users will be told they are now too groovy and be given counselling on how to reduce their grooviness levels.
One government source said: "There are now very few people left alive who have just the right amount of grooviness to handle this kind of shit."
Jacqui Smith, the home secretary, admitted she had used cannabis at university, adding: "I was a very groovy young woman and they were very groovy times."
She stressed she was now insufficiently groovy for cannabis but said she did like to drink an awful lot of wine.