OVER 700,000 people in the UK take cocaine regularly, despite none of them liking it.
Researchers found that cocaine users could not think of a single good thing to say about the drug and did not enjoy any aspect of taking it.
Recreational snorter Tom Booker said: “On the downside it’s wildly overpriced, turns me into someone I hate and I’m sure I’m getting a mono-nostril.
“On the plus side, it turns my mood really dark and makes my penis shrivel. No wait, that’s not great either.”
28-year-old Emma Bradford said: “Sometimes after a gak session I lie in bed listening to my accelerated heartbeat pounding in my ears like a crazed tribal drum.
“But then I think back to the fun we had that evening, and realise it wasn’t really fun, just a bunch of people waiting for a split-second gap in the conversation so they could jump in with some information about how amazing they are.”
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It seems most decisions are made on the basis that you have to fill your time with something, even if you hate it.
“Anything to stop you thinking about work.”