Cunning swimmer outwits thieves by concealing wallet and phone in shoes

A SWIMMER has outwitted thieves at his local swimming baths by hiding his wallet and phone in his shoes. 

Tom Booker, who claims to ‘know how criminals think’, cleverly avoids marauding gangs of robbers in the changing rooms of Friary Grange Leisure Centre in Lichfield by putting his valuables in the last place they would think to look. 

He added: “Trouser pockets? They’d look there. Coat pockets? Nice attempt at misdirection, but these people aren’t fools. 

“Just in my swim bag? You might as well just hand your stuff over to them. The police wouldn’t even bother to investigate. They’d blame me, and rightly so. 

“But by slipping my phone and wallet into my shoes, each separately concealed by a sock, they’ll never be detected. Right down in the toe? Who’d check?

“Now I can do my lengths with peace of mind, knowing I’ve taken the necessary precautions.” 

Booker then placed his clothes and shoes in a locker, secured it with a padlock, and went for a swim. 

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Man realises he is girlfriend’s cat’s butler

A MAN has come to realise that his main role in life is to serve his girlfriend’s cat.

Tom Logan has accepted it is his job to constantly open doors for tabby Tosca, as well as attending to his bathroom needs and ensuring he is fed to the highest standard.

Logan said: “My main job is letting the master of the house in and out whenever I hear miaowing at a door or window. I might start wearing a butler’s uniform like Anthony Hopkins to show I accept my place in the order of things.

“Dinner must be served in accordance with strict etiquette, which is to say in Tosca’s special bowl with the word ‘cat’ on it, because for some reason he dislikes the plastic one.

“Meals must always be of the highest quality from a ‘gourmet’ brand pouch containing ‘salmon and fine beans’ or similar that look nicer than the garbage I eat in the company canteen.

“I’m also Tosca’s chauffeur, driving him to his personal physician Mr Knowles the vet whenever he needs his claws trimming. I wish someone would cut my nails for me. How the other half lives.”

Logan was then called away urgently by Tosca to empty his litter tray, which he cannot use with more than one turd in it due to his refined nature.